boy.

When I made the decision to move abroad, part of the reason I felt that I should do it was because I was unattached. I had been single for the longest time since age 16... a whopping year or so, and things at work felt like they had plateaued. I was leaving my twenties behind and found myself unattached and ready for change. I had always wanted to do something like this- I started a Peace Corps application at least three times in my life. I mean, that was part wanting to run away, but who isn't curious about what lies beyond what you see everyday in the outside world?

Come job fair time, I felt unattached enough that I wasn't sure who I would call to help me make decisions. I had fabulous friends waiting by their phones to hear from me, but it is different when you don't have a concrete family/boyfriend/partner to call about such decisions... that decision is really all yours. It was a moment of realizing my independence, but also feeling scared as shit to be standing on my own two feet. That's how independence works, though. Digression... another blog post. 

A week after I took the job in Shanghai, I went on a date with a pretty fantastic dude. I got a little bit too toasty prior to the date and ended up asking him 20 questions (I would have asked a lot of questions anyway but the toastiness put it into overdrive). I also told him that I would be moving to China at the end of July (big mouth, too honest, damnit). He didn't really want to see me for a second date given the impending move across the ocean. I wasn't willing to give up that easy, given what I know about initial connections. I had to coax him into the second date which led to us dating for the next couple of months. We had a break-up/radio silence in there, and then I spent most of July hanging out and reconnecting with him. It was weird, but also fabulous and exciting. It felt good because I knew I was getting out of my previous dating patterns (namely dating assholes) and I was in a reciprocal, appropriate, adult relationship- despite the reality of my departure. 

That being said, I had signed a contract and had to leave. We said goodbye and I thought he'd e-mail me once in awhile and maybe we'd see each other in the summer when he was slated to intern in The Netherlands and I was to be traveling to Europe. But, that isn't at all how it went down...

When you move away, it's interesting to see who makes the effort to stay in touch. It's something that just comes with the territory of leaving a place. Strangely enough, this boy was really vigilant about staying in touch. I got e-mails, there was clear effort to make a presence on g-chat despite the 15 hour time difference and I just ended up feeling really supported by him. It was lovely to have someone who cared that much despite the distance.

I mean, we weren't even boyfriend/girlfriend in the last month before I left. We're not now, either. It is this weird thing and I am not sure how to define. It's a relationship, sure, but we both realize that an ocean divides us, and he's sort of my boyfriend, even if he isn't really. None of that has really been discussed, and/or needs to be at this point...but there did come a point amidst all the communication where we needed to have a "next time we see each other" date or else things would likely fizzle (self-preservation). 

I found myself thoroughly confused with all of this. At first, I decided against coming home for winter break. I mean, one of the reasons I chose to move abroad was to see different places that weren't in reach prior to moving to Asia. After a tough conversation or two, it started to dawn on me that maybe this was more serious of a thing than him just missing me and being in touch. So, I made a plan that would satisfy both desires. I made plans to travel to Vietnam and Cambodia, and then leave my travel partners and make the trek to the U.S. 

This isn't me. I don't trust people, and now I'm throwing $1200 at a plane ticket to see someone who could change his mind and be dating someone else by the time I get there? Leap of faith style stuff that I'm not usually into, but it is turning out to be one of the things that makes me smile every single day. That makes it worth the risk. Add in all that hocus pocus about going for things, having no regrets, blah, blah, blah. 

Now I'll be meeting his parents (a first) and soaking him up for a week. He has been present and a fantastic support, still. I've went on a few first dates here in Shanghai, but it has only validated my thoughts on how connected I am to this guy. 

It's a strange thing. I made this decision based on being unattached, and then meet this great guy who is still interested despite the distance. I know what people say about long distance relationships- I've said almost all of them, and I don't know that whatever this thing is will keep going, but for now, I'm happy to have someone that cares about me and makes me smile on a daily basis. <3