home.

I recently came to the realization that I am ready to have a home. A place that is my own. My last place was very close to that- I was a renter, but my landlord happily agreed to pretty much anything I wanted to do (make a garden space, paint, put in a disappearing counter). My last place was the most me, the most comfortable home that I have ever had. I had people over on the regular despite the size (teeny) and was just so very happy to call that place home. I like to think that you could walk in and quickly understand the tone that I was going for.

I like my place here in Shanghai. It has hardwood floors, and an extra bedroom for visitors. I even really like my roommate, which is odd because I had lived alone for 4 full straight years. It doesn’t not feel like home, but there is nothing in it that I have done to make it my own. Sure, there are some of my prints and personally created squares on the wall, but those are old me.

The thing that keeps me from truly making it home is the fact that I will not stay here longer than my two-year contract. There are too many people, too much pollution, a general distaste for foreigners and just a whole lot that my little heart can’t handle. On top of that, everything I purchase and create will have to be flown back across the ocean. I look at my Pinterest account longingly, wishing I could do so many of those projects. Then again, finding the supplies that normally would have been no problem in the U.S. is an obstacle here. And let’s be honest, this place can be exhausting when you have a to-do list.

I’m thinking the next place I live has to be home. I’m thankful for having taken the baby step move to Phoenix from Michigan, before trekking abroad but I’m thinking Shanghai will hopefully be the last stop before my final-ish destination.