not so temporary home.

It was only two years ago that I left Phoenix and dealt with all the weirdness of leaving a place behind you. Last time it was perfectly bittersweet, this time not so much. Of course I'm sad about this chapter closing, but I'm thrilled to begin the next one. I know it is the most healthy choice for me on a lot of levels and at the end of the day, that just means it is the right move. 

I feel like in my current world, everything is judged and then categorized to an extreme. At work, you are either a foreign or local staff member. In the past couple of months, another dimension of categorization has been added: the returning and the non-returning teachers. The school that I work at is currently building a new facility. This means everyone was already constantly talking about "next year..." and "at the new school..." Now that I'm officially a non-returning teacher, it has gotten to a special level of annoyance. I find it so hard to live in the moment when everyone is consistently living for something that you have chosen to not be a part of.

Chosen. Choice. They wanted me to stay. They even tried to get me to consider a principalship. Thankfully I knew that I didn't want to be in China. Or working in that school. 

When I moved from Michigan to Arizona, I was scared. It was the first time I'd ever lived outside of the state that I was born in and really standing on my own two feet, far away from my family's reach. When I moved to China, well, I was unsure, uncomfortable, excited, confused, rinse, repeat. Phoenix had made me an independent woman and I learned so much about being an educator there, and China was, well, China (for the record, it still is). What had I gotten myself into?

This time around, I feel like the third time's a charm (or whatever that saying is) because I feel differently about it. Sure, I'm scared that I haven't yet found employment but that's a different kind of fear than the last two times. I finally feel confident about the choice I've made. I'm not running away from anything this time. I'm not doing it because I'm unattached and won't be able to do it later if I don't do it now. 

I'm doing it because I'm ready to live near my best friend. I'm ready to not stick out. I'm ready for life to be a little more predictable. I'm ready to be around like-minded people. 

I'm finally ready to allow myself to call somewhere home.