I don't like China. There are too many things that just don't fit with my views as far as the country goes. My actual school is one of the lower paying international schools in Shanghai and I am overqualified compare to many of my peers. They are planning to raise salaries, but we don't know how much. Dating in China for a Western girl who has realized that one night stands aren't doing it for her anymore is also not very good.
So, what do I do then? Move back to America? When I returned after this summer, I was convinced that this would be my last year abroad. A few months later, I'm not sure that is the best choice. I don't live paycheck to paycheck while teaching abroad. Sure I could have budgeted better, but I never got out of the rut of living paycheck to paycheck in my 5 years teaching in AZ. I'm pretty positive that I want to move to Chicago when it's time, and that means I won't have to have a car (an expense I have decided I would not allow myself to have when I do move back) but everyone has their own idea of whether or not there are jobs. That's not the issue, though, the issue is, am I ready to return? Am I ready to give up this lifestyle of constantly stressing about my next vacation? It's a really great problem to have! I have left so many pieces of myself all over the world, and I'm not sure I'm done yet.
Wait, that means I stay abroad, but that puts me back at step one: I don't like China. So, I move to another country? Remember how hard last year was? Sure, I've done it once now, but I've found some good friends here (a few of which will for sure be here next year). It also cost a lot of money to set up shop in a new place and it would be another year of serious transition and I'm not sure that I have it in me.
So I log on to Facebook, Instagram and start reading about everyone who is having these amazing weddings and I realize I'm 31 and alone. I've been scared that I'll end up alone since I was 24 (old hag age according to my parents) and now I'm really far away from even that age. And all my peers are finding that someone and settling down and then I realize that comparison is stupid but natural and hard to figure out.
And then I'm back to where I started. What to do next?
I would never purport to try and tell you what you should do, but I will offer this: doors don't remain locked even if you think they're shut. Specifically, to move back to the States doesn't mean you can't continue to leave pieces of yourself places. Or that you couldn't take off again after two years here, should you remain unsettled and restless. Point is: you're super young and you have time for everything still. I am old and I still intend to do it all - and I say that having put off so much for so long for obvious reasons. Anyway, trite but truth, and worth remembering. I also vote for the States as they are more interesting with you in them.
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